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6 years, 9 months and 21 days
Xanthe’s life has been a 24/7 struggle for almost a decade. As a single parent she has been juggling a full-time job from home, raising two teens with intense extra-curricular activity schedules, navigating a long messy divorce, budgeting on her sole income, all with no family to fall back on. The joy of life has been sucked out of her over the years. She is living in a prison of duties and responsibilities, with no prospect of breaking out. But when she starts a YouTube channel to vent and share her woes with the world, new and unexpected opportunities start to develop. Could there be light at the end of the tunnel?
£10.99 -
Heist Denial
One year after the death of the fourth member of the infamous Gang of Four, the remaining trio of aged bank robbers is struggling to adapt to life outside prison walls. Having served their last stint in jail following a botched robbery of a closed-down post office, during which they donned gorilla costumes, hi-viz jackets, and colourful Bermuda shorts, the gang now faces a two-year suspended sentence and the challenge of honouring their fallen comrade’s dying wish to stay on the straight and narrow.
As they navigate the idiosyncrasies of their fellow residents at the residential home, the trio, now known as The Trio, must also contend with the suspicions of a relentless detective who believes their deceased friend is alive and well, secretly orchestrating a string of heists across the Home Counties. With the detective convinced that the coffin is filled with bricks and stolen loot, The Trio must prove their innocence while adhering to the terms of their friend’s generous will.
Amidst the chaos, the Colonel works on his memoir, ‘Confession of a Bank Robber’, and delivers after-dinner speeches to the legal profession. Jock finds himself as the kilted bagpiper for the Tartanettes, a troupe of middle-aged Burlesquers, while Lenny attempts to improve his social skills. As the three vow to honor their late friend’s wishes, a series of copycat heists and odd mysteries come to light, threatening to unravel their newfound freedom and redemption.
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Billy
NO FOOTBALL IN SCHOOL!
BUT BILLY McCALL FORGETS THE RULE!
This story is a comedy extravaganza with loads of bumps, tumbles and surprises, starring a cast of very funny characters, all running around madly, trying to catch Billy’s football, which has a life of its own, full of bounce and mischief.
The grumpy Headmaster thinks he can sort out the problem, but you will have to read the story to find out if he succeeds.
This is a fast-paced narrative poem written in clever rhyme. A great story to read out loud and laugh at the slapstick humour!
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Please Understand Me
This book uses Dr. John Gray’s metaphor of men being from Mars and women from Venus to explore the often humorous yet sometimes stressful dynamics of parenthood. From conception to childrearing, this witty and light-hearted compendium dives into the differences in parenting ideologies between men (Martians) and women (Venetians).
The book highlights how an ‘alpha mum’ with high expectations of motherhood can amplify these differences, especially when emotions are processed differently between genders. Drawing on personal experiences and observations of other couples, Beamon presents a dad’s perspective, offering insight into how fathers attempt to live up to their partners’ expectations while keeping a smile through the challenging moments every parent will recognise.
Whether managing through empathy or a lighter touch, this book offers relatable laughs and reflections on the universal journey of raising a child.
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The Bronson Escapades
Meet the Children:
Kennedy, 17 – The Fashionist!
(Always telling others what’s wrong with their outfit)
Chloe, 15 – The Bookworm!
(Never Stops Reading)
Edwin, 12 – The Explorer!
(Often starts sentences with ‘did you know…’)
Bridget, 11 – The Pretentious Snob!
(Usually speaks in a false poncy accent)
Al, 9 – The Chatterbox!
(Quite frequently refers to something outside the current context of conversation)
These, along with their mother and father, make up the Bronson family, and together they get into all sorts of trouble – from causing havoc in town, to being locked outside their own house! Join the ride as these five unlikely siblings embark upon some truly epic adventures of a lifetime; including: searching for their mother’s lost ring, helping the mayor, and even giving the garden fence a fresh coat of paint. Read along and see how Kennedy, Chloe, Edwin, Bridget, and Al manage to muddle along through everything that tumbles their way.
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The Loo Lid Larceny
Disaster has hit the home suburb of Marnie and Tiana. Someone started stealing toilet lids, and often the whole seat. It started in public places then it started in private homes! Why would anyone contemplate such a vile act? Tempers, anxieties and frustration rise as more and more lids disappear. People go to futile extremes to protect their toilets. What is behind the wave of odious thefts? Is it Cec Pitt, TV presenters of The Collectors and Gatherers Show and, antique and preloved goods dealer involved? Marnie and Tiana are determined to get to the bottom of the mystery and save the nation from an evil, embarrassing scam.
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Anthony Ant
The story is about a Colony of Ants, with the main character being Anthony Ant. At the start of the story, Anthony is being made a Special Soldier to help protect the Colony and to protect the Queen. Anthony settles competently into his new role and is extremely efficient and well organised. Other Soldier Ants turn against him because they are irritated and annoyed by his perfection and try to ambush his day-to-day tasks.An unexpected attack takes place from rival ants and it is necessary that everyone’s help and support is desperately needed. Anthony regains the respect of his colleagues for his bravery and they in turn support him in the battle against the enemy. There is tragedy, loss of life, emotional tension for families and individuals but Anthony sticks to his plan and is finally victorious.
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The Quay
As Ken Trickett navigates the murky waters of separation and joblessness, a beacon of hope emerges when he inherits a quaint quayside inn from his dear Aunt. The prospect of a fresh start in his cherished hometown unfurls before him, especially when fate aligns his path with the girl who dances in his dreams, now working a stone’s throw away. Just as life begins to paint a rosier picture, a sudden unforeseen menace casts a long shadow over Ken’s budding renaissance, jeopardizing the future he’s barely begun to rebuild.
Yet, Ken isn’t one to bow to adversity. With a dose of cynical wit, a splash of misguided bravado, and the camaraderie of an eclectic band of characters that now colour his world, he is resolute to clutch onto the reins of hope and navigate through the storm.
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Rita Goes Home
After escaping from the awful Mr and Mrs Nicompoop, Rita sets off on a long, long journey back to Africa where her parents lived, and where they had been captured.
On the way, she has a few scary moments where she has to think quickly to stay out of danger. But she is helped on her way by several acts of kindness – from humans and from other birds and animals – and she makes some good friends.
This teaches her a lot about the world and about herself.
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Runners
Everyone wants to be, already is, or has been famous. Debora Quake is famous. Clinging on to her youth, decaf latte and just about anyone she can get her hands on as she stumbles her way through presenting the nation’s ailing television breakfast show: Breaking Fast. The show’s ratings, like her career, are on the decline yet it is only her and her accomplice, Norwich Parker, the show’s production manager who won’t wake up and smell the coffee. Norwich doesn’t wake up at all, which for those that know her and her archaic views, isn’t always a bad thing. It is down to Duncan, his two best friends, and the rest of the studio show runners, to ensure Debora is TV-ready each morning no matter what she quite literally throws at them. Overworked, overtired and underpaid, the runners strive for satisfaction elsewhere whilst meeting the world’s elitists in entertainment along the way. Some even find love.
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The Baker's Dozen: Twelve Bedtime Stories for Naughty Boys, Wayward Girls and Furry Friends
Enter the extravagant world of naughty children, school bullies and nerds, fancy cats, dirty dogs, world-record holding bubble blowers, showoffs, scary teachers, hypochondriacs, lost beloved bunnies, annoying little brothers, funky potions, heroes that come in all shapes and sizes and more.
You may just find that these larger-than-life characters remind you of someone you know, maybe even a little of yourself!
Read at your own risk: you must know that you may laugh aloud, so be prepared to have a tissue ready or even a spare pair of undies at your disposal. Do the good guys always win? You’ll just have to wait and see.
Sit on mum and dad’s knee, or maybe your older brother and sister, and turn the pages if you dare to enjoy the playful and joyous rhyming tales.
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The Bott Twins: Birth, Death and Other Jokes
A grotesque, surreal and darkly comic series of tales about the most terrible family on the planet.
Mrs Bott, an horrendous “unlanced boil” of a woman and Mr Bott, “a balloon of a man”, are very unhappily married.
Into this disaster enter two unwanted arrivals: The Bott Twins.
Born bad? Or driven bad? It doesn’t matter. What you do need to know is that:
“If you ever meet the Bott Twins, run. Run and don’t look back.”
Too few people take this advice and the results are not pretty.
£7.99